Welcome to the World of Warcraft

I started a new character in World of Warcraft. It’s true, I have no life and I’m a bit of a nerd. I spend probably seven hours a day now in the War. And I sleep about 12 hours and have naps. In seven hours I could make about fifty bucks and buy some beer if I had a job. But no, I’m playing a game that never ends and is completely pointless. But is it addictive. You keep on playing because you grow stronger and get better items. It’s like slot machines, where every once in while you kill a creature and you hit the jack pot with a level 50 Axe of Arthia. And believe me that is fucking awesome!

So when I’m hooked and locked into the game I forget about the outside world. On Earth I’m a simple reverse retiree that still lives in my parent’s basement. But in the World of Warcraft I become Goraak, defender of the Alliance. I forget to eat, sleep and piss. I hate cutting the grass or having a shower because I could be missing a full frontal raid against the Horde.

This time I’ve become a night elf hunter I named Potthed. Apparently Pothead, Potthead and other abbreviations have already been taken. So I was part of a guild and some nerd told me that my name was inappropriate. Once again I feel persecuted because I like to smoke weed. I’m ostracized and resort to smoking on the beach, behind the church or even in the bushes when my mom is home.

I couldn’t really think of a cool or original name. I already had another character I called Gregera and Goraak. I bet this geek’s name is Darkrithera the Dark. I mean there are a slew of bad and gay names like Slappy the Squirrel, Gothic or Cutiepie 193. There are so many stupid people saying stupid shit. For instance, yesterday I was a on a ship and this idiot says I declare this ship mine! Some other guy called him an idiot and I said I declare you a loser. Zing!

So I tell the guild that I somehow left the guild and request an invite. And some dork calls me noob. Ha-ha what a noob, learn how to play. And his friends joined in too. Which I find hilarious. You’re making fun of me in a game made for complete losers. I’ll admit it’s hard to play World of Warcraft and still be cool. It’s like playing D&D and making fun of someone because they used a thunder staff on some dwarves not knowing they are immune to electrical forces and have a plus 50 arcane resistance. But on the spectrum of dorkiness and coolness I definitely a cool dork.

I still listen to music and watch television while I play; especially when I’m leveling up. Rage Against the Machine definitely pumps you up for the next battle. There is nothing like listening to Wake Up during a raid. Too bad I lost a lot of my cable channels. I’m definitely missing out on all the good shows. But I still get Golden Girls on channel three.

Too bad I don’t get paid playing the War. I’ve heard Koreans play for a living and sell their characters, gold or items to people too busy to play. What do you do anyway? Do you walk around killing people? There is really no point. It’s like playing Zelda that someone else has completed all of the dungeons and got all of the heart containers.

There are a lot of funny people too. I enjoy Chuck Norris jokes or their bickering. One of the best South Park episodes is about World of Warcraft; it’s funny but true. There are a lot annoying people that try to get in a duel with you and I don’t even respond. And they make these irritating noises like chicken sounds to try to piss me off. I’m not Michael J. Fox. Someone calling me chicken isn’t going to work. Duels completely pointless.

There are a lot of chicks that play too. However there is a slim chance that they are hot or even girls at all. I’m sure there are a lot of cross dressers that jump at the chance to become a chick, or people who try to get married or receive gifts from other lonely players. Hey guys there is this fine looking babe that likes World of Warcraft! I just gave her the Axe of Arthia for a virtual blow job. I’m now a man.

So who wants to join me and fight for the great land of Azeroth? I will even lend you 30 gold pieces and two handed staff with plus 20 stamina to get you started. So please help me out. I’m so desperately lonely. But I got to go there is this hot girl that is suppose to meet me under the Tree of Darnassus in twenty minutes. I hope she is impressed with my new ride. I got a level 20 striped tiger mount with aspect of the cheetah and a new staff with 15 fire damage per second. I’m so badass!