When you really get down to it the Universe is perfect. From the tiny molecule to the Milky Way. It’s the littlest things that make you wonder how they came to be. Could everything just be a coincidence? The other day I was watching these birds sitting on a power line and wondered if physics were any different than all the birds could be electrocuted and killed off. For instance take a look at all of the animals, we have:
Skunks stink
Pigs are fat
Giraffes are tall
Porcupines are prickly
Chameleons change color
Cheetahs are fast
Hamsters are cute
Petcocks are beautiful
Elephants are huge
Geese are annoying
Hyenas laugh
Camels we ride in the dessert
Parrots talk
You get the picture.
It’s funny how all of these animals have evolved. I’ll give the Christians credit though; it sounds strange how all of these animals came to be, such as having eyes to see with. But evolution takes millions of years and has been pretty much been proven.
I wonder how the skunk became so smelly. Did they have bad body odor that got progressively worse and it started to scare away predators? I saw one in London
Another strange animal is the porcupine. I wonder how they got their spikes. What if they got their own spikes stuck in themselves? I mean sex must be pretty dangerous. Sure the porcupine got laid but now has spikes sticking out of his balls.
I think it is the male peacock, ha cock, is the gender that has those pretty feathers. What purpose do pretty feathers serve other than getting some peacock poon? Did Sam grow them and used Axe and the peacock girls were all over him and now has lead to more children and a vasectomy.
I wish I could ride a horse around town. That’d be sweet. I’d go to Wal-Mart and ask where the stables are. Then they would have to clean aisle eight, nine and ten. So I wonder who thought of jumping onto a horse and riding it. And I wonder how the horse felt. And then I wonder who thought of jumping onto a fucking beast with horns. Cowboys still ride bulls that clearly don’t want them on them. It’s so stupid, I hate cowboys.
I love beavers. The beaver of course is our cute national symbol. Much cooler than an eagle with male pattern baldness. If they were to fight in the octagon, I’d putt a hundred toonies on the Beave. Editor’s note: Microsoft Word is starting to piss me off. The spell check keeps saying I spelt something wrong when it is a real word such as toonies. They are the carpenter of animals. I wonder how they grew big teeth to chop wood and build damns. I hear they make great pets that can chop down trees or cut up wood for fires. Less noisy.
Potbelly piglets may be cute, but like a some of those formally hot chicks in high school they become fat and ugly. It’s a good insult calling someone a pig, especially to insecure women. And even more to anorexic girls who after hearing that try to loose another ten pounds. I worked with this ugly girl that looked just like a pig. She was fat and had a hog nose. I think their only purpose they serve now is to taste great, whether you like ham or Canadian bacon.
My uncle has an African grey parrot. It can’t fly and pretty much spends all of its time in a cage. I feel bad for Judge (my uncle is a lawyer) for serving time. I use to give him packages to get him by. Anyway I wonder how they learned to talk. Was some pirate issuing jobs and his parrot suddenly talked. And everyone is like holy shit, the bird can talk! Bird can you say arrg a pirate me be. Instead of the whole Polly wants a cracker or Polly wants an oreo I’d teach it words like eat my shit or nice boobs. Nice boobs. Eat my boobs. Nice shit.
I hate Canadian geese. Like the cockoroach I wish they went extinct but are quite resilient. All they do is get in your way, make annoying sounds and shit green shit all over the place. Calling someone a silly goose should be like calling someone a goof. I’m not a big hunter but I’d shoot a baby goose right in the eye. I could probably go on about other interesting animals for forever but I’ll stop now.
I especially wonder how humans have come to be. I think animals get smarter and smarter. And eventually homo sapiens, ha homo, evolve and become us. When man started to walk up right it freed his hands. With these hands people can accomplish complex motions starting off with grabbing things and such to eventually making weapons. If you have seen the movie Space Odyssey 2001 you know what I mean. We started to use our tongue for another and different reason: speech. With speech you can communicate intangible thoughts and ideas. Later on people went from living in caves or huts to civilization. And here we are. What I wonder is that have we reached the peak of intelligent life. Will we stay like this or will we evolve into something else. My bet is that we will become smarter, happier, and healthier and look more attractive but pretty much remain the same.
Is there life on other planets? I’m sure there is somewhere in the universe, but I highly doubt we will ever meet because the great distance. My own personal theory is that if there is intelligent life these aliens will look just like us. And that’s just me. If these aliens don’t look like us, then what would they look like then? You see other movies with these squid monsters. How can they even use a computer? Can they spell with their tentacles, tie there own shoes or open a can of Chef Boyardee? Of course there are the whole naked big eyed silver aliens. Why are they so skinny? Did they lose muscle because of relying on machines? Can they even do pushups or hold onto a case of Molson Canadian? If you look at earthlings then you see people are getting taller and larger. And we are getting really fat too.
I like the whole idea of genetics. Is it possible to play God and create your very own creatures with your own imagination? I’d make the Nover, a four legged animal with wings, six eyes, shoots out freeze rays and drink cold beers with you.
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