Booya! Here is it, the big 150th post on I Have Issues. How did I manage to write all of these blogs and still stay fresh? I don’t know. I am taking suggestions. If you can think of anything funny or interesting that you want me to write about then use the comment box and I’ll see what I can do.
We have come a long way these past months. It all began about a decade ago when I created my blogpage Re-tarded. At the time all of my friends had their own blog page. I made a lot of posts about religion and life. But I ran out ideas and everyone stopped making their own blog pages or visiting mine. I actually tried to visit my old site but it kept messing up.
Years went by and eventually facebook came along. I didn’t get it right away but I loved it as soon as I signed up. Finally I could share my thoughts and write to old friends and people from school. I let anyone visit my page but there isn’t much to it. I haven’t taken any pictures in a long time because I’m afraid a picture steals a bit of your soul. And I’m just too lazy to figure out how to take a picture with my dad’s camera.
As soon as I got Facebook I started off with short comments about anything. But they got longer and longer and longer until I ran out of space in the comment box and started using two or more. I’d have part 1, 2, 3, 4. Some people liked them; some people didn’t like me filling up their whole damn wall with these massive monologues about nothing. So I lost some friends but I couldn’t give a shit. I still have all of my good friends and I could care less about a chick talking about her period or the latest bachelor episode.
It was Stix who suggested I should get my own blogpage again and blog away. So I wrote my first blog titled “Welcome” which pretty much sums up what I’m just said, just now. I came up with the name I Have Issues pretty spontaneously without thinking of something funny or clever but it’s too late now.
My first blog was all about me. It was twenty five things about me called Get to Know Greg. My first real blog called Keep Dreaming was a classic. I love dreams and I like sharing them. So people don’t forget to check out my earlier blogs.
So I start to write about any random thing that pops up in my mind. And sometimes I get way off track and start writing about something entirely different. Just like do you ever notice that every time the ice cream truck comes by they don’t give enough time to grab some money put on some shoes. I hear the music and come racing out in my boxers but the ice cream is already gone and I don’t have rainbow popsicle. Or you go to the ice cream parlor on a hot day and the cone is dripping and you have a window of opportunity of one minute to finish it. And I hate when you get chocolate on your white shirt. That’s why I wear red T-shirts when I get bridge fries. And then if you get stain I use of bottle of Mr. Clean. If Mr. Clean fought the Green Giant who do you think would win? I mean Mr. Clean is one tough mother fucker but I’m not sure how big of giant the Green Giant is. I hate spinach. Remember Popeye? Where the fuck am I going with this?
Some blogs were interesting, some were funny, and some were just silly. Some were massive, some were short. I also included a few serious ones such as I Hate George W. Bush about the war in Iraq
My grammer is obviously horrendous. I can’t even write a damn sentence without it being underlined. Such as spelling the word horrendous. Sometimes spell check has no fucking clue what word I’m looking for. Each time I read it I can’t find my own mistakes. If I miss a word I fill it in my mind.
Don’t judge a blog by its title. For example the blog I Love Grass had nothing to do with pot. It was actually about me cutting the grass and being lazy. My blog called Bears Taking a Dump was about those Charmin toilet paper commercials.
I even deleted a couple of blogs that I thought wee funny at the time. I actually wrote a blog about a centaurs’ junk. Big mistake. I was looking at my sources and key words people used to find my site and it was disturbing. I even googled my site and it came up at the top of the links for gay centaurs.
I also wrote about gay people and called the title Medieval Ass Rammers. Once again people searched for gay things and my page came up. I was also rude to gay people on occasion and made some rather harsh remarks. There were gay jokes that were not even funny. On my blog Eleven Commandments I made the commandment thou shalt not stick thy boner in thy neighbor’s ass. And I had to change it. I also made a good blog called Ronald Mc Faggy Donald that was actually about McDonalds.
So I was defending gay people and then I met two obviously flaming homos at poker. One was fucking huge and I would never say anything to him. Some girl asked, what we were all thinking, if he was gay. He said no. Then he wore a tight pink shirt the next day.
Then there was this complete gay dork guy. So I was chatting with him and being nice and every thing and then he kept sitting beside me and looking at me all weird and shit. He asked if I could hold his drink for a second and he said not to put any roofies in it. And I’m like uhhhhhh no. Am I wearing a rainbow shirt that says I like the cock? The funny thing is I thought I could do better than him. So now it’s just awkward when he’s at my table and I don’t even listen or look at him.
Some of my personal bests are about G.I.Joe (called Learning is Half the Battle
What does the future hold for my blog page? I’m seriously considering upgrading to a web page. Do you think it would be any good? My records show that people have visited I Have Issues over 1200 times and Canadians have visited my page just over 500 times.
I just want to see if I could actually pull it off and have a real www site. The whole reason for a real web page is that more people will come across it and read it.
I’ve seen other web sites and I think mine is just as good. And who knows, word of mouth could make it popular. I would spend every waking moment on it. Except when I’m getting stoned and playing video games. I will have a huge section on movies whether I’m giving a review of one at the theaters or making fun of an older movie that everyone has seen.
The thing is I know nothing about making web pages. I did buy a web page for dummies book but I don’t like reading. They should have a reading for dummies book. Hmm. Or a video. I did take web page design at Lambton College
I don’t know how to make a webpage, how much they costs or even who I go to. I don’t want anything fancy. Just a categorization of themes or blogs and maybe some pictures. So if you or someone you know that can make one then contact me. I have no money but I’ll keep you in the credits and make a cherry pie for you.
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