Take Your Stinking Paws off me you Damned Dirty Ape!

So I just watched Planet of the Apes with my Dad on Saturday. I think w spent like $50 bucks between us for tickets and food. My dad got a seniors discount. But they never ask if you are a senior. It’s like asking a fat chick if she is pregnant. We tried to buy a combo but my dad and me and the cashier were all clearly confused. I should have just sneaked in some gummy bears, skittles, Redbull and a grill cheese sandwich.

A movie we could download and buy our own pop and popcorn with as much butter as we wanted. And I wouldn’t have that annoying feeling that I have pee and must decide what’s more important; peeing or not missing a part. I decide to watch to movie.

A good movie that could possibly lead to a sequel. I mean its called Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Remember midiclorians or whatever the fuck they are from the Phantom Menace? They pulled one. There were a couple of scenes where you think its going to lead to something but nothing ever happened. One guy just died and that was it.

So the father from Third Rock from the Sun is some old guy dying from Alzheimer’s and his son is a scientist that is looking for a cure. Same idea in Deep Blue Sea except they’re giving genius pills to monkeys and not sharks.

What would having Alzheimer’s be like?  I don’t know if you can remember only the past and not the future or what? I would probably live in Shady Pines old people homes because nobody would want to take care of me. It must be frustrating for the caregivers having to explain everything over and over again. Where is my Nintendo 64 Nancy? Greg my name is Carol and the Mario Kart for the Nintendo 64 doesn’t work anymore. Greg how about SuperMagacon 4D? No bitch I want to play Mario Kart! They don’t make video games like they use to. And where is my son Paul? Greg, you never had a son. You never married and your family is dead. Then get me a damn Big Mac Kerry! And who keeps stealing my money Suzy? Greg why not watch Snow Dogs 11; you wrote a note saying how good it is and if you can’t remember than it’s like you never seen it before. Well Snow Dogs saga are good movies Blanche.

So Harry Osborn is giving monkeys genetically alternating pills. Dude your father the green goblin already made this mistake. So not a good idea. I rather test it on hamsters. Because if hamsters somehow break out of their cages and run muck, you deserve to die. But no they try on monkeys. They’re doing experiments and the monkey has gone from, four year old to a six year old in day. A six year old to my intelligence then to a 9 year old in a day to finally a genius.

I haven’t seen the classic movies the Planet of the Apes in a while. I don’t remember much but what a great movie with Moses himself Charleston Heston. So in 2006 Heston and his crew try to go at life speed and are hibernating or something and land on a planet in the future.  A planet where the apes rule and the man is enslaved. Dun dun duun! By the way sweet costumes, I wonder what they did with them. It’d make a nice Halloween costume.

So Heston meets up with some wild humans who can’t talk and aren’t the sharpest javelins. He tries leaves a revolt or something and he hooks up with a perfect ten. I would definitely choose this really hot chick over beer and video games any day. Too bad she can’t speak. But on other hand you wouldn’t have to hear her bitching. I assume Heston made monkey love to her but if she can’t talk it would be like to raping a deaf mute. Unless she bends over and gives the signal.

So at the end of the movie he finds the CN tower and freaks out when he realizes it was Earth all along. You fools! Damn you fools!