Aladdin

There is a new Goodwill store that has all of these VHS tapes. I ended up buying all of the classics like the Lion King or Aladdin. Or Bambi because I never seen it before. My brother gets pissed off because I still buy VHS movies but you can’t rent them anymore, they are cheap and I can’t tell the difference between VHS and DVD anyway. So I just got pretty burnt and watched Aladdin. What a good movie, I prefer classic animation over the computer animation.

Let the racism begin! I love how all of the merchants (damn good name) peddling their goods. We have fish. We have bread. We have heroine. The best part is when Jasmine almost gets her hand cut off for taking an apple. Imagine they did that here and now. Sir the beep went off at the gate let me see that. Hey you stole a battery. We don’t take that shit at Wall-mart! Code green, can I have an associate come down to the entrance and bring the axe?

Aladdin is the street rat with a heavenly voice. He doesn’t wear sandals or a T-shirt and has a vest and Mc Hammer parachute pants. And how does that gay hat not fall off with his acrobatic moves. Maybe he should get a job and not steal his food. Go on Arabian Idol and get a singing career or join Circus of Soleil

They have a great cast of characters. I love Apu. That would be awesome to have your own pet monkey that can sort of talk like Scooby Doo can sort of talk. Think of all of the great things you could do with him? They actually made a Simpson episode just like it.

Jasmine is a hotty for sure. I wish her little top with no apparent bra would just slip off. The Sultan is an idiot. Iago is the cool parrot that can talk. Too bad he is played by Gilbert Gottfried, the man with the most annoying voice. I feel bad for Iago when he gets pulled into the lamp. And Jafar is one ugly evil bastard. I would wish for a better appearance if I was Jafar the Freak. Imagine you come across Jafar’s lamp. He would be like; I’ll kill you if you don’t set me free. That be a scary.

The best line is when he gets trapped in the cave of wonders because of Jafar and he says that two face son of a jackal! I actually rewinded it like four times. It gets better each time you hear it. I know it is a children’s movie but I would say something a little more profane if I’m going to be buried alive. I would say something like you piece of shit mother fucking cunt ugly homo freak bastard! And if you pay attention closely Aladdin sounds like he says good teenagers take off their clothes when he is with Rajah

Now I love the magic carpet. But where is the realism? Aladdin and Jasmine fly all over the place as far as Egypt. But they are clearly going very slow. I mean it takes like four hours for a jet to fly that far. I would be cool though to have a carpet. I would be so fat because I wouldn’t walk anymore. I’d just fly around on Carppy. Sorry I spilt beer all over again on you Carppy. Let me use Mr. Clean to wash that off. And I got to dust you off again.

If I had a genie I would wish for a 100 wishes. But in Aladdin you can’t do that. So I would wish that I can wish for a 100 wishes. Checkmate. Of course Aladdin could just wish Genie free and then Genie could do whatever Aladdin would want to. What would you wish for? Obviously to be rich and can move out my parents basement. I wish for robotic legs for sure. And the power to enslave the human race! Muhahaha!