Wal-Mart Is Taking Over the World.

Do you remember when I had a real job and at the same time go to school?  First I had an interview. I went an hour early, so I wouldn’t be late. Was I nervous? So she asked questions and asked about my weaknesses and I said doing interviews. Zing. She laughs. And she asked about something I overcame and I told her my good old workout story. I said some really dumb things too. So I told her I’d work anywhere except female intimates.

So she put me in hardware for a person who knows nothing about tools or paint. My first day another “associate” gave me a vest. Bad idea because people kept asking me questions about where something is and I’d say it’s my first day. I said the same thing too for the next three days. I was so nervous the first time I was on the intercom because everyone in the store hears you.

I hated doing paint. I have fucked up numerous times. I tell all of my friends this story. I had a customer that asked for five cans of paint. Well for whatever dumb reason they switched our can closer thingy with a hammer. So I get chatting with her and forget it to put the last one on tight. Well my manager comes to me all pissed off because her trunk had paint all over it. I never asked what happened afterwards.

Speaking of managers, I had this nice lady until we moved locations. My new manager was hideous and had short ugly spiked hair. And she was always was always pissed off. Probably because nobody could love her.

You should see the security. Remember Scar Face? There were like 100 cameras. And we had codes for any type of emergency. I forget the colors, but I think code black was for a fire, code green for a spill and code Adam for a lost child. The real reason for the store greeters are too react any time those security gates beep. But you never accuse anyone for shoplifting. You say something like you forgot to demagnetize or pay for an item. Do you ever see that cardboard cutoff with a police and it says shoplifters will be prosecuted? I would love to steal that and put in my basement with all of my movies and video games.

All said and done I had a sweet job. I know people dying to get hired. All I did really was put items on the shelf (we had a special term but I forget) and helping out customers. Of course I knew as much as the customers and would read what the label says. Hardware is dead most of the time I spent a lot of time walking around and helping other departments. And the best part was there was a McDonalds inside the store. Sweet! I get hungry just thinking about it.

Then I went to collage for a few years. After I dropped out, for the first time, and I worked at RHM and Little Cesars and this one job for three hours. So I get hired again but this time at cash. It was so boring just standing there and saying hello and thanks a 100 times. I’m sure I forgot to demagnetize items or come up a dollar extra and have no clue what happen. So I finally quit and go back to college. Then I drop out; again. And here I am, 29 years old and still living in my parent’s basement trying to write a movie that will never happen.