I Love Grass

I find the less I have to do the lazier I become. I used to juggle a job at Wal-Mart and high school. Now I’m so lazy I won’t go to the bathroom to piss because I don’t like getting up. But I eventually I cave in to Mother Nature and walk all twenty feet to the bathroom.

Just the other day I had to cut the lawn because my mom is painting the deck. And in a Cartman voice I say but mom, I want to play World of Warcraft. Greg you can play after. But mom, Gorak is almost at level 23. Okay I made the last part up.

So my mom started cutting it because there’s a fucking pipe sticking out of the ground. The city workers dug up a chunk of our lawn to fix some sewers. Which pissed off the whole neighborhood because for like two full days all night and day all you hear is construction. It was so loud I could barely listen to my Tina Turner CD. And so after some years our lawn sunk a bit and therefore is the pipe sticking out and I don’t want to get shrapnel in my leg. How else can I play dance dance revolution with an injured foot?

Anyway I was pissed, she said she cut around the edges but I couldn’t even tell the difference between the long grass and the cut grass. I mean why don’t you lower the wheels and I won’t have to get outside of the basement. and cut the grass every four days. Good thing we have a gas lawn mower. I know I would eventually cut the wire in an electric myself.

 It’s funny that when we first moved in to our new home our whole backyard was just grass. And I mean lawn grass or else that would be fucking awesome. Just like one of my favorite movies the Beach. And then we got a fence, a deck, a pool, a koi pond, a shed, bricks, pavement, plants and flowers. And now we don’t have a single blade of grass and I can’t build a snowman in the backyard anymore or have room to set up my tramboboline. Too bad we don’t have a riding lawn mower that would be fun.

Cutting the grass, delivering papers and shoveling driveways was the economy of kids. I use to cut lawns for this old lady for two years. I had to use her lawn mower which had a small bag and I had to empty it all the time. And I had to mow it diagonally and use the weed wackers around the edges for a full ten dollars, which to me at the time was worth it. Now I would just ask my parents for ten bucks so I can buy a Big Mac combo and rent a movie.

It’s sad that I still delivered papers until grade 11. But everyone thought I was younger. Unlike my predecessor and successor I actually delivered them on time and was very polite. The problem was that I should have spent it all instead of saving it up. I was that cheap that I couldn’t afford a Big Mac. I had to get a value burger.

Shoveling drive ways was where the big money is. I use to go all over the place and let the people decide how much. This was big risk. You can get ripped off or make more than you expected. Some old ladies never heard of inflation and would give you one buck in coins.