Cribs

This is the basement where I live. My bar fridge here has cheap beer and nacho dip. This is my big screen television. Scratch that, my dad’s big screen television. We got Rogers. On this book shelf is where my dad stores his 300 plus movies. Including every James Bond or John Wayne movie in existence. I use the bottom row to store my favorite DVDs, most notably my Golden Girls collection.

And this is my badass guitar. With all of my time on my hands I figured to get lessons and become a rock god. Well I fooled around with it for a couple of hours and gave up.

Here is my basement bathroom. This is the toilet where I shit in. I want to get a urinal so I don’t piss all over the toilet when I’m drunk off a cheap beer.

Now I will show my bedroom. This is the bed where I sleep. That is it. Cough. My favorite posters are Yoda, Spiderman and Amy Weber; a very hot model. I want a walk in closet to put all my vast amount of clothes.

Here is the book shelf where I keep all of my VHS movies and hide my weed in a Pokemon VHS container because nobody will watch it. However my brother might find it throw it out and call me a fag. So why hide it? It’s not that my parents don’t know I have smoked weed. Everyone knows. But I tell them I quit and if they found out I still smoke weed and spend a big chunk of my allowance on it they will cut me off and I might need a job.

Now I will show you my most valuable things, my video games collection. Notice that some are still in the sealed wrapper because I don’t have time to play them all yet, even on my reverse retirement where all I do is cut the lawn and wash the dishes.

This is the kitchen where my mom makes me food. In the fridge is everything from yogurt to soya sauce. In the freezer are my hungry man microwave dinners. And this is the shelf where I keep my cereal. I go through them like crazy when I get the munchies.

This is my upstairs bathroom. This is the shower where one tenth of a millimeter is like a 1000 degrees difference. And my mom makes us finish the very last drop of toothpaste before we open a new one.

Now I will show you the cars. This is my Jaguar. Wait my dad’s Jaguar. He will never let me drive it. I think he loves it more than he loves me. Here is my mom’s Focus, very gas efficient. In the garage is the Fiero and I don’t think even works now? You could steal it with a screw driver. And finally this my dad’s SUV and is probably going to upgrade before we head to Florida. And this is my broken bike where I get hit by some stupid bitch.