Back To The Present.

You know how old movies always predict the future to be way more advanced than it really is? Take Space Oddity 2001. In the movie we have space ships and thinking computers. Well its way past 2001 and we still don’t live in outer space. But our computers and electronics are a million times smaller. Speaking on which what an awesome movie, especially at the beginning when the apes find that black monolith. It’s one of those films that you have to see just to say you saw it. There are a million pop culture references. A very trippy movie that even more trippy on weeeed. That’s how I feel about Back to the Future II. My favourite part was when you see the future and those hovering cars. Well it’s almost 2015 and where are my damn hovering cars!

I always wanted a Dellorean from the movies. It’s the Royal Royce of cars. I love everything about it like the color or the how doors that open upwards. I mean no more hitting the other when you open the door, like I did before. I would definitely have a flux capacitor with the current date and projected date. I have yet to see one in person. But a long time ago I saw or what I thought was the Macho Man driving a Humvee while we were in Florida. And getting way way off topic, (I’m so random) I ran into Mr. Leah from Trailer Park Boys in the downtown Mc Donald’s. I didn’t want to bother him but this douche kept asking questions. I always see this Russian Dolph Lundren look-alike at the gym. He’s huge and his hair is cut just like in Rocky 4. And recently I saw this guy who looked just like Gimli off of the Lord of the Rings. I think he was going for that look. He was very short but really really bulky and had a huge beard. I wish I had a cell phone and take his picture.

Now where was I going with this? Hmm.. monkeys, Back to the Future, cars, Mr. Leah and oh yes time traveling. Where would you go? I would first visit the land of dinosaurs and become a king among ape men with my superior intellect. This is what I call a boom stick. And get some hot cavewoman action. I would also invent the razor. I mean how fun would that be. There wouldn’t be any jobs or taxes or anything. All you would do is eat, sleep, hunt and get some cavewoman poon. I would grow crops and crops of marijuana.

Then I would go to the land of the future. With my time traveling hovering car I could do what ever I wanted with no consequences because I could just go back in time and change it all. That’s what I didn’t get about Back to the Future II. The future would have changed any way so it really wouldn’t matter that your son goes to jail. I would play Mega Ultra Epic Nintendo where you are the game. And smoke some legal marijuana. Speaking of marijuana I would definitely go to Wood Stock, the greatest party ever. I would smoke a lot of weed and stay a while. Maybe I should shut about the weed. Yes Greg we get it. You like weed and Golden Girls.

Then I would visit myself when I would be in grade 6 and share all of my knowledge. Who are you? I’m Batman. No I’m you from the future. Now put down the devil sticks and listen very closely. Smoke weed and drink coffee. Buy nice clothes. Grow a mohawk. Don’t worry so much about school. Don’t take Media or Art at Western. And not be so intermeddled by other people. Of course I would make millions from the stock market. Everything on this new store Wal-Mart.

I think it would be impossible (or highly improbable) to travel through time. Especially backwards. I’ve heard of the hole worm holes but you couldn’t survive. I think. And going around the Earth at high speeds is nothing substantial. I do love paradoxes. My favorite one is going back in time to kill your own Granddad before he gets freaky with your Nana. You would never be born because your Granddad would be killed before your father is conceived. Get it.