Five Cent Gummi Bears

Five Cent Gummi Bears

Back in  the day cartoons were magical. Disney’s Gummi Bears were one of my favorites. It had one of the catchiest theme songs. How much do you remember?

Dashing and daring

Courageous and caring

Faithful and friendly

With stories to tell

All though the forest

They sing out in chorus

Marching along

As their song fills the air

Gummi bears

Bouncing here and there and everywhere

High adventure that’s beyong compare

They are the Gummi bears

Magic and mystery

Are part of their history

Along with the secret

Gummiberry juice

Their legend is growing

They take pride in knowing

They’ll fight for what’s right

In whatever they do

Gummi bears

Bouncing here and there and everywhere

High adventure that’s beyond compare

They are the gummi bears

They are the gummi bears

For the younger audience, the show follows a family of talking gummi bears that live in a tree called Gummi Glen. Pretty much everything starts or ends with the word gummi. In fact it makes a great drinking game. Every time you hear gummi you take a shot. Of course I usually drink even when it’s not my turn.

It’s set in medieval times. With knights, castles and ogres and the likes. The bears are the last of their kind and must hide from the humans. A few good persons know their secret. Duke Signund Igthorn is the main evil villain with his army of giant ogres. My favorite is Toadie the smallest ogre and the brains. I wish I could keep him.

Of course there is the secret of gummi berry juice. Which is pretty much crack for talking bears. They grow it on gummi trees. When they drink it they are bouncing off the walls. Literally. Some of the slang terms are gulping the gummi, flying the berry and getting juiced. The cool part is that it is virtually undetected by conventional drug tests. In fact that’s how Lance Armstrong pulled it off. Some of the side effects include extreme paranoia, dilated pupils and intense euphoria.. It’s extremely addictive and withdrawals include cold sweats and extreme thirst.

I don’t understand the relations of the family. Grammi has to be the grandma and is Zummi the father? I don’t know. And what’s with their nammis?

Zummi is the gummi wizard who holds the gummi medallion to read his gummi spell book. I think he has gummi Alzheimer’s because he’s clumsy and keeps fucking up his spells.

Grammi looks and sounds just like Mama Fratelli off of the Goonies. She’s the ugly house wife of the family. I’m sure they keep her around because she’s a damn good cook and can make some damn good gummi pie.

Tummi is obviously is the fat gummi bear that likes his pie. He’s that fat and funny party animal that everyone knows. But I wouldn’t want to run into him. If you ever do run into a gummi bear just freeze. They are more afraid of you than you’re afraid of them.. Try offering him a gummi pie.

Sunni is the little girl and promising dyke. With her name and hair it’s hard to know if she is a boy or a girl. She’s useless.

Gruffi is the one who’s always the pissed off for what ever reason. I think it’s because he’s so horny he turned mean. You have ugly Grammi and the underage boy girl. And maybe Cubbi. I’d put my money on him if he fought Grumpy the dwarf. He’s the handy bear.

And Cubbi is the youngest one with dreams of becoming a great gummi knight. He’s seeks adventure beyond compare. And he’s pink. Nobody is going to be afraid of a fucking pink bear. Gummi fag.