Fantastic Foursome

Invisible Bitch has some cool powers. I’m not sure how it works. Do her clothes also turn invisible or can she only do it with her special uniform.. Because I hope she can get invisible tampons with wings for those heavy days. Of course nothing good comes out of being invisible for most people. Think of all of the things you could do. You can sneak into Disney Land or steal chocolate bars. Her force field is pretty handy as well.

I’ve always feel sorry for the Thing. Not only does he have boring powers he’s an orange brick freak. Now I realize it’s just a comic book and I shouldn’t read into it that much but how does his body operate? Does he have a brick heart?  Does he eat rocks? His hands are pretty useless, imagine him trying to sign a care package or opening some Tylenol (cause he has a pounding head ache!) And you can’t really fit in with the general public. People would notice him. I know the ladies love it big and hard, but the only girlfriend he’s getting is the hand; which is probably not fun either.

Torch is pretty cool too. I would love to fly; no more walking for me. Of course I don’t know how his flames work? Does he just think of it and bam! Because that could be very dangerous to non super heroes. Oh honey you tits are great and you’re making me hot. And fuck I burnt another hooker. By the way what’s worse third degree or first degree?

And then you have Stretch Armstrong. This has got to be the craziest super power. But how far can he stretch? I mean can he grow like 100 feet tall? We all know the first thing he did with his powers is grow a 20 inch dick. But how long is too long? I mean you don’t want it dragging on the ground.

I always wondered if super heroes can play competitive sports. In football all you have to do is pass the Thing the ball and let him walk down the field. Mr. Fantastic can straight arm guys 30 feet away or just stretch his arm with the football down the end zone. Invisible Bitch can just disappear and hang out in the end zone for a pass. And Flame on could fly for a touch down and give some third degree burns to the other players.