Count Chocula

My mom used to be a bacteriologist at the hospital. I still don’t know what that means? I guess she takes blood samples and cultures and does things to them. She always tried to get me interested. Did you hear about the super anit virus? No can’t say I have. Any way it was a vampire’s dream.

Here’s some tidbits about the original vampire Vlad the Impaler. He ruled around the 14 century. He  was known as the Impaler because he would torture and impale people and drink their blood. He also came to be known as Dracula. There’s more but I’m lazy.

Anyway am I the only straight man that likes the Twilight Saga? I thought they’re pretty wicked. And the chick is super hot. I’d let her suck me. And let her take my blood. Zing! Sure it’s a romantic film that girls go wild for, but I wouldn’t call it a total chick flick fest. There are a lot cool fight scenes. I don’t know the full details of those vampires. Except they shine in day light. I think they are the only good vampires I have heard of.

There are a number of myths and truths about vampires. In Interview with a Vampire they require a coffin (I don’t know why?) and can’t be exposed to sunlight.  Other times are they can’t be exposed to garlic, can't see themselves in the mirror or look at a cross. Damn you Little Caesars I specifically asked no garlic on my crazy bread. And where’s my bottle of blood? I’m writing a complaint. And I mean how do vampires pop a zit or comb their hair if they can’t use a mirror. And how exactly does a cross harm them? Ha it’s silly isn’t it. I always wondered if they can get the aids? Man I sucked this random slut’s neck and I think I have to get checked. I also wonder if you can get the aids from a mosquito.

But would you like to become a vampire? I’m think it would be cool at first if you can fly around and  turn into a bat and shit. But you would never be able to play golf or fly a kite ever again.