Marivn the Martian

I’m a huge fan of Spielberg. I loved the Goonies, Jaws, Empire of the Sun, AI, Saving Private Ryan and Jurassic Park to name a few. But he’s obsessed about aliens. Take Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford pulled it off but what a bad movie. Why was there this 20 minute car chase in the middle of a fucking jungle? And aliens. They don’t belong in Indiana Jones (there’s a South Park episode about this).

Am I the only one who didn’t like E.T.? I hated his voice. Ffffuuucckkkuuuuu Gggrreeggg! And if I see one more parody of bicycle flying over the moon than I’m going to lose it. You would think he’d carry a cell phone with him. He should have used Sprint and get 30 minutes of free intergalactic long distance. Or wear a scarf, its cold outside. Spielberg’s Encounters with the Third Kind was much more realistic.

Now I’m very guidable and not the smartest North Star. I’m one of the reasons why they have warnings on your lawnmower.  But anyone who believes in UFOs or alien encounters are either delusional or just stupid. I’m sure there is intelligent life out there in the vast Universe. But I doubt we will ever encounter them simply because of the shear endless distance. As a race, we want to contact aliens and share knowledge. That’s why we have built these massive satellites to search for them.

Still we have all of these believers who think it is a massive conspiracy and cover-up. Like area 51. Look the government isn’t all evil and deceitful. We want to meet them. Besides something would have leaked by now like a Tina Turner song. If there were aliens then I’m sure they would head straight to the world’s leaders. And not randomly abduct rednecks and shove probes up there asses for no apparent reason. What’s this bright lights in the sky? Could this be a satellite or helicopter or Venus? No it must be a UFO. If there were UFO’s I’m pretty sure many more people would have seen it and not some white trash idiot without a telescope. If they were out there, they would already be here. If they would have come in peace I think they would at least be FOX news and maybe Conan. And if they were to attack they would have done it by now before we get any technologically stronger.  And why are they all green or silver, big eyed and naked and from fucking uninhabitable mars? I think its corroboration between believers so more people would believe them. I believe they would look very similar to us and not some squid monster. My theory is that all of these abductions stories are from dumb people with nothing better to do. It’s like Santa Clause for adults. I call it adult make believe. Of course there was no moon landing because why would the flag flap without wind. They did it in a studio. And he got the words wrong. He was supposed to say one small step for “a” man, one giant leap for mankind.